A Day in The Life of Merrick Garland
**This is based upon exhaustive research and is not fiction. However, Medium nor can I provide any evidence to support the authenticity or accuracy of any aspect of the following**
Monday, July 18th, 2002
5:45 Wake up to alarm playing ‘Muskrat Love’ by the Captain and Tennille
6:00 15 mins of exercise. (either a treadmill or Yoga
6:20 Drop (between) 500 and 700 micrograms of LSD
6:30–7:00 Watch test pattern on TV as it reflects off the wall across from the TV
7:00 Shower
7:15 Try to shave.
7:45 Try to get dressed
8:05 Secret Service/pick up for work
8:40 Have someone escort him from car to office
8:50–9:00 am Tetris
9:05 Meeting with Senior advisors to be updated on Jan6 committee progress, Jan6 prosecutions of participants, and possibly investigations and potential additional prosecutions
10:30–11:15 — Tetris
11:30 am, Nap
12:30–1:30 Meet with “Big Lou”, (Mitch McConnell’s intern) accept a large bag with cash and an eye dropper of CIA-grade LSD
1:45 Roll around naked in non-sequential bills
2:05 Speak to Deputy AG about Sedistious Insurrection and other possible crimes.
2:08 Drop more LSD
2:42 to 4:43 Look around the office for either Jesus or his childhood cat “Fluffers”
TBD — Transition from looking for Jesus to “looking at the colors”
5:05 Meet buddies at THE SPIN, Washington to have a few “pops” and discuss a hard day at work.
7:20 Arrive home
7:40 Watch either Tommy Boy (Chris Farley) or Meatballs 2 (Richard Mulligan)
9:30 Fall asleep.
