Come to find out, Susan Wojcicki is the devil.

17 years ago I walked into an Apple store and was mesmerized. At that moment I bought in. Only Apple products, a large chunk of Apple stock and tossed my PC, Blackberry (god I miss that thing, keyboard, security — awesome) in favor of an all Fruit-Tech lifestyle.

Including all my pictures into your hard drive then cloud and all my music into the revolutionary Itunes. (why is this guy chronicling Apple if the article is about Google? — patience children)

We pre millennials had these things called “CD’s”. Before those (middle ages) shiny things, we had a tool for listening to music called “cassettes”. Back even further there was a device called a “record.” It had a thing you used to play it called a “record player.” It was the size of an old school desktop tower. And if you bumped into it, it skipped. Before those tools for delivering sound, there wasn’t a lot of options. Believe it or not, the first iPod was a guy following you around singing while another played the flute. I shit you not.

So people mid 30’s and older who embraced technology had to download every CD, one at a time, into Itunes. Most of those who did toss the plastic discs into landfill. Because I had some rare, obscure stuff, I didn’t.

Then a funny thing happened, (not funny haha) Steve Jobs passed away. But his machine he had created that changed the lives of almost everyone on the planet in one way or another was now, just that, a machine, nothing would change.

Since October 5, 2011, Apple has released 1 new product that has sold. No products that aren’t laughed at. Talking to you Iwatch guy. And you sound like a moron when you justify having a Happy Meal Timex as “useful”. Everyone thinks it, I just say it.

Not to mention, iPhone battery degradation, the “security first” company who lets China do anything they want and the US government play in your cloud etc etc.

By that time due to a greedy heavy metal drummer and the general pussification of Apple’s anti-customer philosophy, Itunes also sucked. And once in the vortex, there was no easy way out. I feel like the Apple ecosystem is more like being a Scientologist than a useful integration. “We know all your secrets, and you can’t leave, Praise be Apple-1” Hallelujah.

I rehash the guys in the circle building to illustrate how I feel everyone should see/be re brand loyalty. You should see brand loyalty as something stupid people do.

After having my 3rd (in a year) hard drive die in my new MacBook Pro, I was seeking options. Windows? WinNOTS as far as I was concerned. Although cheaper, if you pulled someone off an isolated island and had 8 hours to teach someone how to use a windows ten system or MAC, well, no contest. Not a ton of options really. $1,600 MAC POS or CLIPPY?

I bought a 1st gen Toshiba Chromebook on Amazon. It was $160.00. I knew little about them but had been impressed with the ease of use with Google Docs. Samsung had given me a Note 5 (going from iPhone 7 to Note five was like being released from prison) and I liked the Droid system just fine, and Drive is pretty fantastic.

I now own three Chromebooks and the aforementioned MacBook with an aftermarket SSD drive. The combined total of my Chromebooks (new) is less than the price of the MacBook before adding the multiple HD’s AppleCare installed and the one I finally added because theirs suck.

The one downside was working offline. Which I was worried about. Come to find out fixing that wasn’t that big a software adjustment, and you don’t use your computer in too many places you can’t get interweb.

Then I needed to change servers at my company. A friend said, “G Suites is great.”. I was like, makes sense. I’m now six months into G suites. G suites sucks.

It’s kinda expensive. The per-user price is more than I was paying with a small no-name company, yet the support from the other company blows G Suites doors off. Its more complicated than I thought it would be and changing over was sort-of a bitch. I called G Suites customer service to walk me through it and encountered two problems.

#1. Your English customer service center is in FUCKING COLUMBIA. I’m sure G Suites has a global reach, but I bet the biggest market served is North America. The first language spoken here is a variation of English. In Europe, its often referred to as ‘AMERICAN’ because different regions of the world that speak the same language do it very differently with very different accents. Spain Spanish and Mexican Spanish (for instance) very different. The French spoken in Montreal vs. Paris, New York vs. Australia, you get my point. Well, the Spanish spoken in Columbia is pretty funky. So if you learned English as your second language (the accent is actually very pleasant for the most part) and then have to explain detailed tech operations to an American ( If you have read this far its clear my english is borderline proficient and it’s my 1st language) over the phone it’s not real smooth.

As of today, Google is rocking a $377 billion market cap. Know what, you can afford to put a call center in San Bernadino or someplace.

#2 — To make matters worse, once I solved the language issues a little, I realized the CS rep didn’t know what they were doing. To recap, the people they pay to help you set it up are difficult to understand and poorly trained. I called my buddy Josh, and he fixed it. I think Google owes Josh some cash for the two hours he spent DOING YOUR FUCKING JOBS.

I have said to anyone who asks, “The iPhone is Apple’s phone, your Android is yours.” It’s so much more flexible. However, Google can’t do messaging. Apple makes interfacing with Android difficult, but iPhone to iPhone it works amazingly well. Androids new default Messages is a bug-filled disaster. And it’s rarely the same issue. Sometimes it freezes, other times it freezes 12 times a day. The next day it won’t send. The following day its perfect. I bought a new phone because it was so shitty I assumed my hardware was broken. And they can’t decide how they want it to work. Massive changes happen out of nowhere. It sucks.

I don’t need one of the music streaming services. I have a library form hell that I moved from Itunes to Google music with backups in a cupboard. Now, Google music is better than iTunes, but Itunes in 2004 beats both. I’ve bought the same song on Google music and Amazon because google music just refused to update itself correctly.

Maybe there is a copywriting issue I don’t know, but Google docs translate funny to other platforms.

But these are all annoyances compared to Youtube. If you are too stupid to read the New York Times (not, ‘I don’t read it I you don’t have time, don’t live in NYC’ whatever. Rather, “fake news” — too stupid) you may have missed the article about Youtube creating pedophiles. Of the detailed explanations of why/how they empowered Alex Jones or what Robert Evans on the Behind the Bastards Podcast (can’t endorse this strongly enough) calls “Nazi Makers.”

It’s funny that people saw Facebook and Google as so “revolutionary” and “disrupters” yet Disney (as old an old school as there is in media) was the company that actually took a stand and pulled their adds. Thank you Bob Igar for doing what our ELECTED OFFICIALS are too well compensated to address.

I’ll leave you to do your own research and not take my word for anything.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Google stock (alphabet, whatever) to sell and iPhones to price.