I've been both married and divorced. To most of it, "yes, yes, yes" I know all that. The part I find puzzling is your caring so deeply about your marriage and being so disconnected. BY the end of mine, outside of the prerequisite therapy and other societal must-haves I had mourned my lose and was ready to go. I always say, "we do marriage for them" because (for a man and this is true 95% of the time) being married is the difference between driving a new range rover, and driving the same range rover, only pulling a trailer filled with bunch of cool stuff.

You like your stuff, but adding a 1,000lbs to every single aspect of your life can be a real pain in the ass.

My guess, you de-facto let this happen. Discuss it in therapy and it may speed things up.