OK, I have to call you on this one.

#1 - Yeah, called a laser

#2 - I'm not a newborn, don't care

#3- To be fair, showering before would be nice

#4- Anyone with the ability to take an entire hand inserted into their body, does not have a perfect body.

To be a porn star, be a dick, and fuck violently. To be good, do lots of cardio and (sit-ups ups guys, if you can't do 10 sit-ups a day you deserve to have your bloodline end) and ask what she wants.

Drops mic.